He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I smell stomach acid.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous