It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle