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Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
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