Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
BRING THE BAGELS
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
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