It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself