Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.