My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.