She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
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Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.