dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive