he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.