The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.