i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night