a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less