The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.