so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
