i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?