Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went