Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...