nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.