Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back