the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.