you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games