She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds