don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
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I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
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If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem