I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it