I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
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cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
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If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.