YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids