I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.