He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.