I told you penises don't tan
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina