Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her