just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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He kissed a someone with a penis
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
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i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night