Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.