All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.