So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!