Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is a Children’s Book About Donald Trump’s Hair, and it’s as Weird as You’d Expect It to Be