HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'