I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.