I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.