In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST