Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.