I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.