Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (773)

Last Night in Illinois (773)

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I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.

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(773): I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea. http://tfl.nu/j1n0

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Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.

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(773): Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app. http://tfl.nu/h2ht

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Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)

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(773): Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:) http://tfl.nu/gxuq

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Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance

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(773): Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance http://tfl.nu/swas

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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly

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(773): Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly http://tfl.nu/8cgf

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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.

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(773): I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day. http://tfl.nu/c735

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Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.

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(773): Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive. http://tfl.nu/999r

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Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.

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(773): Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame. http://tfl.nu/s2ml

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I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.

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I don't even know what to say right now

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(773): I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away. (847): I don't even know what to say right now http://tfl.nu/f47i

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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.

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(773): I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened. http://tfl.nu/5hv3

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Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself

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(773): Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself http://tfl.nu/pyfv

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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.

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(773): You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud. http://tfl.nu/imj6

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Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.

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(773): Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days. http://tfl.nu/hblx

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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.

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(773): Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather. http://tfl.nu/isyp

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WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.

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(773): WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY. http://tfl.nu/ad4l

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Last Night in Illinois (773)

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