I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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My dad just said "fuck circus"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache