Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions