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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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