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I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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