pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.