I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet