I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet