I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.