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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
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