come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
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I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.