I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.