Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...