Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months