I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.