If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool