She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun