Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.