Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.