Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (585)

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  He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants

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  (585): He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants http://tfl.nu/sshj
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  I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one

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  (585): I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one http://tfl.nu/3p0c
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  we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT

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  Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.

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  (585): we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT (1-585): Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink. http://tfl.nu/wawv
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  Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night

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  (585): Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night http://tfl.nu/8kd0
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  Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride

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  (585): Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride http://tfl.nu/ym4t
  Replies (3) Good night (942) Bad night (224)
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  A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment

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  (585): A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment http://tfl.nu/nqpl
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  High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.

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  (585): High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation. http://tfl.nu/xkfb
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  I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.

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  I regret none of it.

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  (585): I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house. (1-585): I regret none of it. http://tfl.nu/t45o
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  Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?

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  (585): Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain? http://tfl.nu/ljpg
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  It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college

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  (585): It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college http://tfl.nu/6ip8
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  WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!

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  (585): WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY! http://tfl.nu/cmgh
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  Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.

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  (585): Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job. http://tfl.nu/1yot
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  Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.

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  (585): Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship. http://tfl.nu/lc1v
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  I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.

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  (585): I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING. http://tfl.nu/4rg4
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  Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.

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  (585): Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend. http://tfl.nu/49qc
  Replies (8) Good night (909) Bad night (374)