He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.