Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
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I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?