I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out