I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.