sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3