Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (360)

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  She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit

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  (360): She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit http://tfl.nu/vja9
  Replies (12) Good night (618) Bad night (2572) Order T-Shirt
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  Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.

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  (360): Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building. http://tfl.nu/uuvc
  Replies (4) Good night (706) Bad night (2533) Order T-Shirt
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  Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?

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  (360): Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else? http://tfl.nu/srg3
  Replies (10) Good night (532) Bad night (2509) Order T-Shirt
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  When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.

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  (360): When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers. http://tfl.nu/l0o6
  Replies (9) Good night (383) Bad night (2393) Order T-Shirt
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  I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.

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  (360): I'll bring the barf blanket just in case. http://tfl.nu/d0c2
  Replies (6) Good night (814) Bad night (2355) Order T-Shirt
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  We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.

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  (360): We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times. http://tfl.nu/t6mj
  Replies (4) Good night (1427) Bad night (2265) Order T-Shirt
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  The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...

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  (360): The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy... http://tfl.nu/q7uq
  Replies (14) Good night (1023) Bad night (2254) Order T-Shirt
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  There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.

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  (360): There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line. http://tfl.nu/jhch
  Replies (12) Good night (696) Bad night (2250) Order T-Shirt
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  She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant

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  At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats

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  (206): She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant (360): At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats http://tfl.nu/21vb
  Replies (5) Good night (561) Bad night (2124)
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  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

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  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (16425) Bad night (2037) Order T-Shirt
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  Im 95% ready to shit behind 711

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  (360): Im 95% ready to shit behind 711 http://tfl.nu/2mf3
  Replies (4) Good night (1073) Bad night (1990) Order T-Shirt
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  Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?

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  (360): Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident? http://tfl.nu/46ya
  Replies (16) Good night (3047) Bad night (1850) Order T-Shirt
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  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (5012) Bad night (1836)
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  I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist

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  (360): I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist http://tfl.nu/4ea1
  Replies (12) Good night (493) Bad night (1803) Order T-Shirt
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  Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.

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  (360): Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof. http://tfl.nu/kt4t
  Replies (2) Good night (436) Bad night (1756) Order T-Shirt