i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.