i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock