I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she smelled like a LAN party