i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree