PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.