The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.