chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
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i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.