While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..